What They Don’t Tell YOU About Grief

“Body Memory”

Photo by Claire Kelly on Unsplash

Today marks the first anniversary of my dad’s passing after months on a ventilator. We celebrated his heavenly birthday on July 10th, just a week after his grandson’s 15th birthday, which his granddaughter was present for. He only knew her through the stories I shared and the photos I showed him. Since he couldn’t speak to me, I had to rely solely on his body language to gauge what he was thinking.

I’ve worked through anticipatory grief and am now navigating grief itself. At first, I thought anticipatory grief might lessen the intensity of actual grief, but I’ve realized they are both valid, distinct experiences that shouldn’t be compared or measured against each other.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing some unexpected feelings, and I wanted to share them to remind you that if you’re feeling the same, you’re not alone, and your feelings are valid.

I’ll focus on the grief that comes from making medical decisions for someone who can’t do so themselves for an extended period of time, as well as other feelings that arose after the memorial service.

I’ve wondered if I should have chosen an earlier date to wean him off the ventilator…